HNT I dont wanna get out of bed.
Yeah I know it has been a week since I last posted..(this sounds like a confessional) I have opened blogger and started to post and then I've closed it up again. Nothing has wanted to come out.
Maybe Im going through blogitis.
Anyhow yesterday I went to my specialists in Sydney. This was after not having been on meds for the past 3 weeks. I went in all confident and ready for what I wanted to happen but left feeling totally upset and cranky. I couldnt wait to get out of there.
Here's what happened....
My dr tells me that he doesnt think the pains I went through on the Atazanavir were caused by the Atazanavir and tells me that he strongly recommends that I go back on them. I was like NO this would be the third time if I was to take them again and both times previously it has given me bad side effects, of which I am still experiencing today. His reasoning then was that if I took it again and the pain came back then I could stop it again.
This makes totally no sense to me whatsoever. This starting and stopping treatment has got to do damage to my immune system and with it increase the resistence and my chances on medication to nil. Im over playing around with my body like this and said as much so to them. I virtually told them to stick it. I was so angry. I dont feel like I have a partnership with them anymore and they are basically just telling me what to do without negotiating with me. I've been in this game for too long now to be playing around like this.
So here is what I have done.
I have made an appointment with one of the leading HIV specialists in Sydney at St Vincents Hospital and am going to see him on his next available appointment which is the 7 June. In the meantime I have written him an email outlining what has happened and is happening with me now.
So still on no meds and still feeling like crap.
Apart from this nothing much has been happening which is a good thing.
My dr tells me that he doesnt think the pains I went through on the Atazanavir were caused by the Atazanavir and tells me that he strongly recommends that I go back on them. I was like NO this would be the third time if I was to take them again and both times previously it has given me bad side effects, of which I am still experiencing today. His reasoning then was that if I took it again and the pain came back then I could stop it again.
This makes totally no sense to me whatsoever. This starting and stopping treatment has got to do damage to my immune system and with it increase the resistence and my chances on medication to nil. Im over playing around with my body like this and said as much so to them. I virtually told them to stick it. I was so angry. I dont feel like I have a partnership with them anymore and they are basically just telling me what to do without negotiating with me. I've been in this game for too long now to be playing around like this.
So here is what I have done.
I have made an appointment with one of the leading HIV specialists in Sydney at St Vincents Hospital and am going to see him on his next available appointment which is the 7 June. In the meantime I have written him an email outlining what has happened and is happening with me now.
So still on no meds and still feeling like crap.
Apart from this nothing much has been happening which is a good thing.
It's HNT time again. This time I have a pic that Trev took of me when I was waking up. Getting out of bed has been hard lately, especially with winter on its way and already making its presence felt.
I know it's HNT Bday time, so Happy Bday to HNT!, I haven't got the energy to do the festive pics and Im not feeling in a festive mood.. so here is my effort for this week.
This entry was posted by OLY, on
18.5.06.
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Hey mate,
good to see other Aussie bloggers!
Nice HNT
Thankfully not all in the medical profession behave in such an awful manner.
Good for you going to another doctor. I hope you get sorted with the new doctor. You are very much in my thoughts and prayers.
Your HNT Pic is HOT. Kinda leaves me speechless when I look at it.
Very nice picture. Hope all goes well with the new doctor and you're feeling better soon.
SOrry you're still not feeling well.
I certainly wouldn't mind waking up one morning and seeing you laying in the bed like that! Nice photo!
HAPPY HNT!
Hope you feel better soon and thanks for finding the energy for this HNT!
Take it easy, mate. Here's hoping you feel better soon?
And good luck with the HIV specialist.
Really hoping that things go well with the new specialist. I have been debating about posting about my visit to the doctor on Tuesday (just for a skin thing) and how doctors seem so out of tune and disconnected with patients now.
Big hugs sent to you down under, mate :-)
And also...it's a great pic. I'm just sorry it is because you are having trouble getting out of bed.
Again...hugs and good thoughts to you.
RE: your comment...
Yes, I know, it is selfish of me to be thinking of things like death when others are tooth and nail about living.
As I said though, the thoughts aren't necessarily "real". Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed and yet empty and it is a horrible feeling. I wonder if I was just a waste and am serving no purpose here. It's during these dark moments that the thought of death is comforting.
It's all relative I suppose. We all fight different battles and use different tools.
Again all good thoughts to you, my friend. I hope that your struggle and your fight is successful and that it will inspire others.
Sorry to hear that things still haven't gotten better for you but at least you are now being proactive about it and hopefully the specialist will point you in the right direction.
Also glad to see you worked out that Blogstipation you had!
Boy can I ever relate! HHNT! :-)
Lovely arse sir!
Blessings and health to you.
HHNT
Happy HNT Cesco.
Hope we connect soon you haven't been on Yahoo naturally
xoxo
no matter who you are, that's hot ;)
HHNT
I hope the new specialist works out for you. I was having a lot of trouble with meds, Viread and Ziagen in particular, was a frequent flier b ack and forth to the ER with heart and kidney problems, that docs claimed were not the hiv nukes, but after i was off the meds for a couple of months felt much better.
I've been of fthem now 11 months an t's are still rising with viral load dropping. I dread the day I have to resume the cocktail.
BTW nice inviting HNT pic, today i posted my first HNT in my blog.
Take care, hope things improve for you
Happy HNT. Hope you feel better.
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